Office Pranks

I was forwarded an email yesterday from a colleague listing funny office pranks and their accompanying point value should you want to compete with another colleague. Being a person that savors humor and especially tries to relish in the absurdities that occur in an office, I thought I would post the pranks for your amusement or to attempt on some hapless other employee...or perhaps your boss.

ONE-POINT OFFICE DARES
1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.
2) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
3) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, " Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye. "
4) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your earsand grimace.
5) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, " Sorry, I really prefer it this way. "
6) Walk sideways to the photocopier.
7) While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doorsopen.

THREE-POINT DARES
1) Say to your boss, " I like your style " and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, " Did you get allthat, I don't want to have to repeat it. "
3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle(there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES
1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice toconclude with the singing of the national anthem (5 extra points if youactually launch into it yourself).
2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you withgrowing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as " Bob. "
4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you " really have to go do anumber two. "
5) After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. Asin " The report's on your desk, Mon. " Keep this up for 1 hour.
6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly andmutter, " Shut up, all of you just shut up! "
8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, " As God as mywitness, I'll never go hungry again. "
9) In a colleague's DAY PLANNER, write in the 10 am slot: " See how Ilook in tights. " (5 Extra points if it is a male, 5 more if he is your boss)
10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask, " You wannatrade? "
11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: " Do you hear that? " " What? " " Never mind, it's gone now. "
12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, " I can't talk about it. "
13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won alunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a veryimportant conference call.
15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16) Hang a 2' long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
17) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuits,smashing each biscuit with your fist.
18) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
19) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee,move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

And if that wasn't enough for you...
How to keep a healthy level of insanity:
1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point ahair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.2
) Tell your children over dinner. " Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go. "3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want frieswith that.
4) Put you r waste basket on your desk and label it " IN " .
5) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6) Finish all your sentences with " In accordance with the prophecy. "
7) Dont use any punctuation
8) Use, too...much; punctuation!
9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11) Specify that your drive-through order is " to go. "
12) Sing along at the opera.
13) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14) Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of junglesounds all day.
15) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, " RockHard. "
17) When the money comes out of the ATM, scre am " I Won! I Won! 3rd timethis week!!! "
18) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling," Run for your lives, they're loose! "

And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity....
19) Send this to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this

Beer Pong

Last night, after several drinks out, a new girl and friend at the office begged this other gal we were out with to go play Beer Pong. The whole notion sounded utterly ridiculous to me, but my husband was coming home from work really late and I didn't have anything else to do but to go home and be by myself, so I went.

Upon arriving at this drinking establishment, we were greeted and directed to sign up. My two friends that were with me decided they didn't want me on their team as they are both competitive and I've never played. Ha. Oh well. Being competitive myself I can understand.

So, back to beer pong. I opted to not play and to watch instead. And boy did I have a lot to watch! My friends were paired up with two women, who we later learned were mother and daughter. They were TERRIBLE people. Oh my gosh. Could they have taken a silly drinking game a little more seriously?!?! They were downright bitchy. I was meanly glad when my friends kicked their ass (actually, it was a close game). But still, they won and that is all that is important.

If you are still wondering what beer pong is all about, I took the liberty of posting the rules. There is an actual National Beer Pong League. I love it! There are actually 14 variations of Beer Pong posted on the National Beer Pong League website.

I am going to highlight EXTREME Beer Pong and a "Deep Thought" by Jack Handey.

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed - Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." -Deep Thought, Jack Handey







Extreme Beer Pong
submitted by the Masoholic
What you need:


26 Cups - 2 Sets of 6 on each side of the table, and two for washing.
3 ping pong balls
4 players

Rules

1. Each player is responsible for the 6 beers in front of him/her.
2. Re-racks occur after each and every made shot.
5 cups remaining - 2 cups in front of three
4 - diamond shape with middle two cups touching
3 - standard triangle
2- one in front of the other
1 - when only one cup out of 12 remains, it goes in the middle of the side of the table.
3. One team starts with two balls, the other team starts with one.
4. Once a team has all three balls, this is what occurs:
1. Team A with all three balls shoots the first ball, if he/she makes one of the cups, the other team must drink it.
2. If while the opposing team member is still drinking the cup, and a player from the shooting team sinks another ball, one ball is given back.
3. If while both opposing players are drinking their cups, and ball number three is shot and sunk, then all three balls are given back. If one player is finished, and the other player is still drinking, and the cup is sunk, then two balls are returned. The way to determine if cups are finished, is whether or not the cup is finished and put on the table. If the cup is not on the table, then the shot is considered good.
5. The most important rule in Extreme Beer Pong - If a player shoots, and the ball bounces off of the table, or any object, or for any reason does not go in the cup, IT IS FULL CONTACT TO GET THE BALL*. So all the pro players, that catch it one bounce after a miss, are rewarded for their drunken hand eye coordination. Those amateurs out there, get penalized. (NOTE: MUST CARRY LARGE SURPLUS OF PONG BALLS FOR GAMES). Once a player has control of the ball, the contact must end, unless of course you really don't like the person. Then do as you wish.
* Note - Players must stay at the end of the table and cannot line up beside it to get a running start. This is considered cheating and offenders should be beaten.

Losing team drinks extra beer, and REFILLS PITCHER FOR NEXT GAME. Winning team gets two pong balls in beginning of next game.

Shark Week 2

So, I'm watching a special last night during Shark Week (yes, I am a geek...please see previous post on Shark Week and my geekiness). I think it was called Shark Roulette. Anyway, they were profiling shark hot spots around the world where there have been media frenzies on shark attacks. The last place profiled was the "Shark Bite Capitol of the World" - yup, you guessed it, Daytona Beach, FL.

In fact, the two beaches profiled around Daytona Beach were Ponce de Leon Inlet and New Smyrna Beach. I swim almost every single weekend down at Ponce Inlet beach! Granted, the show decided that Daytona Beach did not live up to the media hype being that all of the "attacks" have been rather superficial bites by baby sharks during bait fish feeding frenzies. The kind where your foot or hand might accidentally get in the way. There have been no fatalities and I think one limb amputation out of around 150+ bites. I guess most are about as serious as a dog bite. Still...it made me wonder about swimming there. Regardless of the seriousness, I really just don't want to get bitten by a shark and I boogie board and swim there all of the time!

Maybe watching shark week isn't such a good idea...Yikes!

Shark Week

Originally posted August 3, 2006

I try really hard sometimes to hide the fact that deep down inside, I am a raging geek. 98% of the year, I succeed. But nothing brings out the geek in me like the Discovery Channel's annual Shark Week (whew...that rhymes!). Seriously, I'll see previews for all of the new specials a week in advance and I will start to feel a twinge of excitement coursing through my veins. Leaping Great Whites, stories of survival, encounters in the deep blue...does it GET any better?

Thank God for DVR or my life would literally revolve around making sure I'm home for the specials.And to make me sound even worse, they've been running a preview all week for a new show next Monday...The Giant Squid captured on camera, live for the first time!!! I've already got my DVR set. I'm ridiculous. My husband just laughs and laughs at me. Although, he's become a Shark Week convert.

Seriously though, nothing beats a night watching razor sharp teeth on the tube... Well, except maybe a night of hot sex! :-)

Safety Tips

Originally posted August 1, 2006

I wanted to post a list of safety tips that everyone should be aware of and DO.

It could save your life.We can now add to the list of victims the retired 77 yr. old TCU professor from Ft Worth whose body was found last week in Oklahoma--and the 11 yr. old in Sarasota, FL. Because of these recent abductions in daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation... This is for you, and for you to share with your spouse, your children, everyone you know. After reading these crucial tips, forward them to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!

2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you....chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The drive won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

5. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your AirBag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.

6. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat.
B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.
C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out.IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

7. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)

8. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, Preferably ! in a zig -zag pattern!

9. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP. It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

10. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her "Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door."The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, "We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOTopen the door." He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night.

I'll add my own thoughts...

1) Lots of women think that because they take Kickbox aerobics (or something similar) at their local gym, that they are well-equipt and athletic enough to "take someone on." Stop thinking this way. First, just always be aware of your surroundings and don't put yourself into bad situations to begin with. If you find yourself in a questionable situation, get out of it. Don't worry about hurting someone's feelings. If you are attacked, just get the hell away. Don't stay to try and fight.

2) Don't be squeamish. If it comes down to poking someone's eyeball out or your life, poke out the eyeball or do whatever else needs to be done to save your own life.

3) If you are out at a bar - several things here. If you know you are going to drink, make sure you have a plan ahead of time of how you are going to get home (and not with a stranger). Guard your drink like it is your life. Do not leave your drink unattended and then come back and continue drinking it. This is how date rape drugs get in your drinks. Do not let anyone else get your drink for you, even if it is a "friend" or someone you think you know. Most people are raped by people they know.

I Am A Christian

Originally Posted on July 19, 2006

I came across this poem that exactly describes how I feel about my faith. Just wanted to share...

"Christian" by Maya Angelou
When I say...."I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin
"I'm whispering "I was lost,"
Now I'm found and forgiven.

When I say "I am a Christian
"I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
And need CHRIST to be my guide.

When I say "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong
I'm professing that I'm weak
and need HIS strength to carry on.

When I say "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.

When I say "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visiblebut,
God believes I am worth it.

When I say "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain,
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
who received God's good grace, somehow.

May we all remember that we have sinned and fall short of God's glory. Today I thank God for His grace and that He never gives up on me even when I give up on Him.

2nd Blog Site

I have decided to start a different blog for all of my random thoughts, observations and situational commentary that are unrelated to my eating disorder and recovery efforts. My selftherapy blog was becoming unfocused and jumbled. So, from now on, I am going to keep that blog to my eating disorder issues and this blog for everything else. In fact, I think I might move all of my misc. stuff over here to unclutter the other site.